What Love Is

This may be a regular occurring theme for me, but it may not be either. I don't really have much of a love life to speak of, but I can tell that my last 'entry' likely didn't show that I may even think it exist. Well, that my friends would be a fallacy. I do believe in love, but not that there's only one type, for one person. Just like everything else in the world, there are schools of thought and layers about the entire issue.

There is the one person, one lover scenario. And if that's the case I'm screwed and won't need to worry about it anyway. I had a love in high school that I thought was real, and she was 'my one' (what person doesn't have that person in high school...?) So I think MOST of us can kick this one right in the ass. Sorry, we are not chemically bonded to love just one person, we're friggin' star dust! Random bits of stardust! Don't believe me... friggin' watch the Discovery channel! That shit is trippy.

Anywhoo, then there's the soulmate thing that we're always searching for just one person to make us happy. And I'll admit, this one seems to work more and more as I'm watching my friends all start to get married and everyone having a grand time with it. But hell, what if your soulmate is in Russia and you're piddlin' about here in the United States drinking latte's and settling for whoever is closest? No ... I do think there is more to it than random dumb luck of finding one out of 7 billion. But hey, if you can get that lucky than by all means, knock me off my pedestal. But I'll warn you, it's pretty high ... so be ready to climb.

So what do I believe then? People enjoy each others' company, and eventually fall for one another. The brain is a fickle mistress however, so it only lasts as long as things seem to be riding high. Some people we stick it out with as the high times come much more often than the low times, but they still happen. I haven't found anyone that I can 'stick with' yet. And the closest I have came to it are towards people who are openly poly. Because there's no secrets in those relationships (which is why I blatantly stay AWAY from people who seem to be shady or cheating.) I already have trust issues, and the way that these tend to form is all about trusting, and being open with one another. I truly do love that aspect of these relationships and am not sure if I can put that same level of trust into a monogamous thing.

I would like to, sure. And have someone that would 'be mine'. But at this moment in time I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. Soon, yes. But not right now.

This will either be epic ... or a complete fail.

This blog, is not going to be something that will be awe inspiring, or will make your body flutter with eroticness, at least, I would be surprised if it did. I will never, ever try to come out and say that I have an exciting life. Hell, even a somewhat normal one. Pretty much, I'm your average, everyday college kid with the biggest exception being that I'm not humping every single thing that I notice moving. I'm already tired of the games, of the life, and of every single person on the campus. I don't want to be some slutty little spaz looking for a good time. I already want to find something that I can believe in, and find someone that I can trust ... but this isn't something that we're going to go fully over in the first post. Maybe later, if you're nice.... Or not.

I don't have any set plan for this, and if you want to hear about something in particular all you have to do is ask. I'm not afraid to admit just about anything, but I don't just toss it all out there either. Some things, I'd like to keep to myself unless it's shown to be wanted. So, don't be a pansy, give me some feedback and cuss me out if I piss you off. I promise, it'll make everything all the more interesting in the long run.

First posts usually have a bit about the person writing out the blog, and far be it from me to break away from any of those sorts of traditions. I'm in my early to mid twenties ... 24 to be exact, and have taken time off of college here and there but should be graduated in a year from now with a degree in Communications. I know, I know what you're thinking and if you really want to board this money train then you have to have pretty damn good oral skills .... HAH! I made a pun! I'm a fuckin' riot.

I've been pretty much going through the motions with all of my life. I've been burned harshly in past relationships and have exactly 0% trust in the rest of humanity because of it. Aww, I should see a therapist and work out those issues huh? Fuck you ... It's my life. And if I want to peak over the couch and see what the hell is going on just let me! It's my life to screw up. I know that this is likely going to lead me into a pretty lonely life, but that's what I have this glorious thing called the internet for, right? And hey, who knows, maybe I'll meet that person that will kick my cynical ass and teach me to immerse myself into another human being again? ... Okay, this isn't all completely true. I have done a bit in the poly-relational world as well, as I feel that there is less of a trust thing on my behalf. How? Let me explain...

I'm usually a secondary, and know my role as that. I can be erased if needed at some point, and I do not try to cling and make things last longer then they could. I have been in some long term ones, and some short term ones and for now, this works for me. I can feel moments where I don't feel like the world is completely against me and have moments where I can feel sparks of love once again before pulling myself back in to the real world. Sure, this isn't perfect poly but it works for me. It makes me feel good about myself, and like I'm not just another random guy that the world will simply pass over.

This probably seems more like a rant, than an actual blog entry and for that I will NOT apologize. This will be where I will be putting ideas, thoughts, and hopefully meeting a few people around that won't just want to kick my ass. I have no idea how to make this blog thing nice and pretty ... so I'd enjoy pointers on that as well.

God bless (if you believe), and enjoy your stay regardless. It should be an odd, and bumpy ride.